Honeysuckle & Magnolia Down the Block

he said no one would love you
he said he'd hurt auntie and mommy too
you thought people smelled the stench on you
you decided to make things beautiful
be beautiful
insides hurting and all
lose yourself in the beauty
you imagined the ugly
voiceless and small
smaller dust blown away like
glitter into galaxy

you collaged images from here and there
the brown brush yr mama used on yr hair
her high cheek boned smile and twinkling eyes
(that stayed slightly open when asleep)

you saw daddy in his favorite brown suede coat
cowboy mustache catching the milk of beer at the pizza place
while we had floats
sneezing outside from hay fever between jokes
(we laughed so hard)

you watched auntie place a perfect mole above & to the side of the right corner of her pink satin stained lips
the care she took in preparing
the sharing of beauty tips

you dreamt of a white lace dress
tied delicately with a bow
cool/sharp
green grass on feet & toes
brilliant/gentle sun
the smell of honeysuckle & magnolia down the block

you began dancing wildly
hoping they were/
not peeking
using everything
tables armchairs
reflections in the china cabinet
you danced
thru unbearable formless feelings full of forever freedom
all over & everywhere

you started hoarding art/emotions/air
giving pinches here and there
a stingy playmate
you felt it didn't matter
you felt you didn't matter
so long ago
you said it's not my fault cuz
i was five

what did i know?